


recall

by koneko_kakumei



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pre-Canon, spoilers for act 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koneko_kakumei/pseuds/koneko_kakumei
Summary: Chikage's new colleague looks familiar.
Relationships: Mentioned August/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	recall

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came about after I finally saw August's official sprite (if you haven't seen it and you want to, google "A3! オーガスト"). My friend told me he looked like Itaru, but... Whew. He. He really does look like Itaru. Holy shit.
> 
> This is also my first fic for A3! I hope you enjoy it. <3

It's strange, Chikage thinks, as he takes his seat at his desk again after his scheduled lunch break. His life is possibly the closest to normal it's ever been - or ever will be. And he's honestly not quite sure how to feel about that.

It's been almost four years, now, since his final mission with August and December. While he still tries his best to ignore the ache in his chest whenever he thinks of the former, he's still no closer to finding the latter. It's as if December had actually vanished into thin air. _Good_ , Chikage thinks. While he'd rather see the light fade from his eyes in person, his thumbs crushing December's windpipe, that would still be better than him being alive at all - living freely, as if he deserves that. The thought disgusts him.

He exhales slowly, carefully - as if his colleagues were watching him, somehow able to decode his thoughts just from the speed and intensity of his breaths - and his hands find the keyboard again. He allows his mind to go fuzzy, then blank, as he types, succumbing to a statistics-induced haze.

* * *

"So... I have something to tell you all," a voice behind him says, clearly and with intent, throwing him out of his zone. Chikage glances over his shoulder, and sees a colleague he's exchanged the occasional bit of photocopier small-talk with. "Well... As you know, I've been with my boyfriend for two years now." Chikage didn't know that, nor does he care. "And... Yesterday, he asked me to be his wife!" 

A chorus of whoops sounds from around the office floor, while Chikage resists the urge to just turn back around and get on with his work. If interest were quantifiable, his would be so far in the negative right now it would be considered a scientific phenomenon. Still, he gives a smile and a token round of applause so as not to come off as cold. 

"Thank you... Ah, thank you!" she continues, much to Chikage's chagrin. "But also, we talked about it, and... We both agreed that we really want to focus on the wedding, and then starting a family. So... With that in mind..."

Chikage has to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes. If he has to listen to one more word of this drivel, he's going to gag. Still, he fights through it, waits patiently for it to be over, then turns back to his desk, and continues his work. 

He barely even acknowledges her empty desk a week later - empty, but for a pristine new briefcase left on her chair.

* * *

It's as if someone's dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over him. He's cold, cold right down to his fingertips, his toes; his jaw slackens, and he has to physically steady himself on the back of a pleather desk chair lest he actually collapse.

But that's a fair reaction, he reasons, because August is there. He's right there, in his office. He's changed his hair again, and he's wearing contacts, but that's par for the course. It's completely irrelevant. He's there, and he's looking at him in the same way he used to when Chikage would tip an unholy - his word, not Chikage's - amount of hot sauce onto whatever dish was put in front of him.

"August," Chikage finally says. It's all he can say. Maybe he shouldn't say it, because he's in the office, but quite frankly, fuck the office. Fuck everything else in the universe, because August is here. He's come back to him. He's alive.

Except August just looks at him, brow furrowed, mouth opening and closing again as if he's not sure what to say.

His boss cuts in, bastard that he is, _read the fucking room_ , and clears his throat before gesturing towards August. Chikage suddenly notices August isn't wearing his ring. Well, that hardly matters. In their line of work - was August still _in_ their line of work? - it was a general rule to not get too attached to things. "Utsuki-san, this is the new hire I mentioned, Chigasaki Itaru-kun. I'd appreciate it if you could take him under your wing."

August bows to him. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he says, and Chikage's ears ring, the room swaying around him. "Please take care of me."

His voice... It's wrong. It's too low. It lacks that sweetness that soothed him after a difficult mission, that carried even in his bell-like laugh when December would fall asleep in the most unlikely of places.

Chikage's grip on the pleather chair tightens as he sways, knocked sideways by the devastating realisation that this is not August.

August isn't here. He hasn't come for him.

He's still dead. He's gone. 

He's gone, and Chikage will never see him, never hold him, never fight back a grin as August's eyes flutter shut, neck craned up, waiting for Chikage's lips to meet his again. 

And Chikage will never again be able to take his hand, rubbing small circles into his palm with his thumb as they lie together, a hot tangle of limbs that feels more like home to Chikage than any building he's ever lived in.

He's gone. And it's as if all the feelings Chikage's been holding back since then are suddenly, _finally_ , punching their way through his chest, a lump lodged in his throat as he tries to think of what to say.

In the end, all he can do is excuse himself before heading out to the parking lot.

* * *

Chikage sits in the driver's seat of his car, eyes unfocused and raw, as he still tries to process the last ten minutes. 

He'll probably be in trouble with his boss for leaving so suddenly without an explanation, but he can't really bring himself to care. He could always reel off an excuse about being sick - what he can't avoid, though, is the fact that this person, who looks so much like August it frightens him, is going to be working with him from now on.

Maybe this is punishment for getting too comfortable, he thinks. Karma for thinking he can live anything resembling a normal life, for even considering letting December disappear without Chikage exacting his revenge. Even if it is, and even if the Gods are as petty as some stories would have him believe, this was pretty fucking shitty, even by their standards.

He could always quit. He could pack his bags, move on to another city, and double down on his efforts to track down December so he could personally wring his neck - though right now, even death feels too kind. 

On the other hand, Chikage supposes that if he faces this guy head on, it could help him in the long run. A pretty torturous method of getting some kind of closure, sure, but in the event of him not being able to find December, it might do. 

Who knows? Chikage sure doesn't. 

As of ten minutes ago, he's not really sure of anything. His mind is still hazy, his palms sweaty, and his eyes, as he sees in the rear-view mirror, are red and rubbed raw. It's strange, seeing himself like this. Like he's not even looking at himself. 

He gives himself a moment longer, then phones his boss to apologise for his behaviour, and to let him know he's unwell. Thankfully, Chikage's reputation in the office is otherwise pristine, and he's let off without so much as a slap on the wrist. His boss also tells him that Chigasaki-kun will be waiting for him tomorrow. _Wonderful_ , Chikage thinks, just wonderful. Good to know. 

As he pulls out of the parking lot and heads for the barren apartment he calls home, he suddenly realises he needs a drink. The gentle, burning caress of alcohol is all he has left to soothe him - not that he drinks often, but sometimes, it's necessary. Today, it's definitely necessary. 

Still, he'll get used to this eventually, he thinks. And one day, either he'll leave, or this Chigasaki will, and they'll never see each other again.

And that would suit Chikage just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SO MUCH to Ciel for reading this and encouraging me... This fic almost definitely would not exist without you so THANK YOU AAAAA <3
> 
> If you wanna yell at/with me about Chikage, August, Itaru, or smooshing them together like barbie dolls, feel free to hit me up @northmeir on Twitter!


End file.
